Michael It is genuinely easier to fly from London to Rome for thirty bucks than it is to get from Harare to Johannesburg without selling a kidney. I am not even joking. Last month, I looked at a return ticket on Airlink and it was $415. For a fifty-five minute flight. That is basically the price of a gold-plated loaf of bread. It makes zero sense, but here we are, living in a world where the shortest distance between two points is the most expensive way to travel.
The absolute scam of the 1-hour flight
I have a theory. Actually, it’s more of a grudge. I’m convinced the pricing on the Zim-SA route is artificially inflated because the airlines know we have no choice. If you don’t fly, you’re stuck on a bus for 20 hours, praying the border at Beitbridge isn’t backed up until the next century. I’ve done that bus trip exactly once. Never again. I’d rather walk through a swamp. But the airlines—Fastjet, Airlink, even the ghost of Air Zimbabwe—they smell that desperation. They price tickets based on how much they can squeeze out of us before we just give up and stay home.
I might be wrong about the collusion thing, but it feels personal. What I mean is—actually, let me put it differently. It’s not that the flights are expensive; it’s that the value is garbage. You pay four hundred dollars and you get a tiny bag of pretzels and a seat that doesn’t recline. Total robbery.
Why I refuse to fly Air Zimbabwe (and I know you’ll disagree)
I know, I know. “Support the local brand.” “They have the best pilots in the world.” I’ve heard it all. But I refuse to book with them. My irrational reason? The smell. Every time I’ve stepped onto an Air Zim plane, it smells like 1984. It’s a mix of stale upholstery and old cigarette smoke that’s been baked into the plastic for forty years. It’s depressing. Plus, their website looks like it was designed by a high schooler in 2002. I tried to book a flight to Bulawayo once and the site just… stopped. No error message. Just a blank white screen of death. I ended up calling an office in Harare where a lady told me the “system was down” and I should come pay in cash. Who has time for that? I’ll stick to the private carriers, even if they’re soulless.
The secret isn’t booking early; it’s booking on a Tuesday at 11:00 PM when the systems reset. I’ve tracked this for three months and the price drops by exactly $22 every single time.
The day I lost $180 because of a “deal”
I used to think I was a genius at finding cheap flights Zimbabwe to South Africa. On November 14th, 2022, I booked a flight on a “budget” carrier for $110. I felt like a king. Then I got to Robert Gabriel Mugabe International and realized my carry-on was 2cm too wide. They charged me $60 on the spot. Then, the flight was delayed by four hours, meaning I missed my connection in Joburg to Cape Town. I had to buy a new ticket for $120. I ended up spending way more than if I’d just booked the “expensive” flight to begin with. It was humiliating. I sat in the terminal at OR Tambo eating a cold, overpriced sandwich and questioning every life choice I’d ever made.
The actual math of the “Hidden Fees”
- Taxes: Usually about 40% of the total ticket price. Thanks, government.
- Baggage: If it’s under $150, you’re probably paying extra for a toothbrush.
- Seat selection: Do not pay for this. Just sit where they put you. It’s an hour. You can survive next to a crying baby for an hour.
Anyway, I was talking about the border earlier. If you ever find yourself at Beitbridge at 2 AM, the meat pies at the gas station on the South African side are actually incredible. It’s the only good thing about that crossing. But I digress.
The part that actually helps you
If you want a cheap flight, stop using those big aggregator sites like Expedia. They add a markup that is honestly insulting. I’ve found that using the actual airline apps—specifically Fastjet’s app—is usually $15 cheaper than the desktop site. I don’t know why. It’s probably some weird data-tracking thing. Also, fly into Lanseria if you can. OR Tambo is like a giant, confused beehive. It’s stressful, people are always trying to grab your bags, and the parking is a nightmare. Lanseria is quiet. You walk off the plane, grab your bag, and you’re in a car in ten minutes. It’s worth the extra Uber cost to Sandton.
One more thing: ignore the “last 2 seats at this price” warning. It’s a lie. I’ve watched that counter stay at 2 for three days straight. It’s just there to make you panic and click ‘buy’ before you notice the $45 processing fee. Don’t fall for it. Just wait.
I honestly don’t know why we keep putting up with this. Maybe one day a new airline will come in and actually compete, but for now, we’re just stuck playing this stupid game. I’m flying down to Joburg next week and I already feel the headache coming on just thinking about the check-in line. Why is the line always so long in Harare? There are only three flights a day. It’s a mystery.
Safe travels, I guess. Bring your own snacks.
